There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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