So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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