he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am midnight drunk by noon
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
