is your mom at the bar?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
