Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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