I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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