why im i the only drunk person in the library?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize