my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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