I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
