okay pat passed out under dana's car
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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