you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
