I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
