So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
