If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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