i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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