Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
