I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
