If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
