I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
