somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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