Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
