Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
