Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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