i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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