You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
