I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i already hear my dad disowning me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
