I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
