nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
