You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
