spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
