Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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