Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
