So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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