Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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