Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
