We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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