I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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