My nipple is on Facebook.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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