No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
