ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
