Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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