she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
