I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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