I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
