there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
