I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize