were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
