You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
