You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
