Umm I'm too high to move.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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