i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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