i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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