So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
