he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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