We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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