Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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