I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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