so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
