oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
