sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
