It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
